No , littleman my keys are NOT in the fridge..................

So this is the first week of the holidays with my 6 yr old. He wants to be attached to me most of the time.

The incident in question was after a nice morning swimming, a peaceful lunch and a few in house games.
The little one decided it was time to play in the garden.

My naughty keys had gone and I was about to go into full on panic mode.

No one has our key and hubbie at work till late

Then the question - Have you checked the fridge Mummy ?

Believe me , this could have sent me either way

Its been that kind of week - I've not felt the best.

I've sorta gone from having a huge circle of mates with uni, then a smaller circle with meetings and adult conversation to  , well  ........have you checked the fridge ?

It took me sooo long to learn to do the student thing , then to learn to do the networking thing so now
I'm watching endless episodes of cartoons.

I'm sure they only made about 4 eps - cos it seems to be the same stories all the time. I am learning all the pups on Paw Patrol - Littleman seems impressed.

In all this I've tried , I am trying to keep myself moving forward music wise - I answered my first casting call , wrote some lyrics - I saw a picture of myself in that red dress with the behive hair - I wondered what 'SHE' would write about

Turns out , it's seducing men into hotel rooms - Who knew ????

For me to write , I have to feel restless - The words have to fight their way out.
I sorta see them in my head and then HAVE to write them down or lose them forever.

Missed words/verses haunt me 'cos in my head they were epic lyrics that would have changed the world if only i could remember them .................

My head gets filled with words and quotes so i'm usually watching people i meet to see if their lives are interesting enough to write about.

I do write about mine too - Loads
About the people I meet and how i feel about them - good and bad !

Recently I've been missing people - the people I really love are far away from me - friends wise .

We do keep in touch by email but for me it doesn't really replace giving your best mate a squeeze.
And because I've just come though puberty and this crazy woman is new to me , I've been a bit upset at pics.
Bizarre, I know - it's not enough that this character I've created is strong passionate and confident the other side of that is sometimes other, darker sensitivities.

Once in a while , it gets too much and I shut the doors and stay in to recover.
All i do is eat good food try to excersise and keep my fingers busy till it passes.

My house has never been so tidy .....................
My head is silly

Oh, and just in case you were wondering , They weren't in the fridge ..........................

Uphill battle - but still winning the war , Kim Kardashian never has this problem .....................

Did you see the picture ?  Apparently 'Woman has an ass'

Anyways ................

This week has been very up and down.............. again
There's been gym. I did my workout and actually enjoyed it .
 Uni which has been good. I managed to use Sebelius and scored out correctly the first line of my own composition . I have words and a vague idea of the rest of it.
I almost actually asked for help - almost !
My waist has shrunk dramatically which is exciting to see . It does give you a massive lift to see the hard work paying off.
There was a night out with a new mate. I've not laughed so much in ages. We're so similar in personality they have helped me to settle down and helped me feel more comfortable doing what I do . They are also deliciously weird so that helps loads also.
Another good mate received a parcel I'd sent them and text to say Thanks . I'd had a horrible day so the text made sure I went to bed smiling . I really enjoyed planning a surprise and would have given anything to see the look when the card was opened !

So the not so good -
My trainer was late for my appointment by 15 mins . There was no staff around to ask just a full gym of people staring at me . I was terrified as it was only my 3rd visit. I felt very intimidated and to be honest  forgotten about. I have a doctors referral and was so nervous about the whole gym process
  After getting really annoyed and a few tears I had to go chasing him about to have him tell me that I really should have started without him.
I did my workout but felt like an inconvenience to him all session.
Then he  'reminded me ' what i needed to do on every machines I went on.

   Wow , Realllyyyy ..............................  I suspect this is why people quit GRRRRR !

So the weight loss - The only weight I have appeared to lose is my from my waist.
The trousers I have on are massive. They are so baggy on the waist they now sit on my hips. This makes them too long. They are baggy on the bum and tummy but fit fine on the my thighs.
I look like a baglady !
So I thought I'd try to find some new trousers to wear but this just didn't happen.
I tried on a 5 pairs of jeans in one shop and a few others in other shops also . None of them fitted due to the size of my thighs. If i sized up they are massive everywhere else . Thou' the trousers I'd picked up were labeled the same size as the baggy ones I was wearing !!??
 One of the supermarkets I tried has scrapped their plus size dept in favor of the Christmas stuff ??? WTF ??????
According to them I have no use for clothing at this time of year or maybe I'm just not entitled to buy from them ??
Spending my Saturday afternoon in shop changing rooms on the verge of tears is not good.

I bet Kim never has this problem.....................

It messes with my head cos I'd felt so hopeful that I was going to look fab after putting all this effort in , going to the gym and being made to feel an idiot only to find out that the same problems were in the mirror as before.
Now I know I'm not doing as well as I'd thought it seems like a much bigger task.


The only options I appear to have is cut down what I'm eating and exercise more, again and be cold .
At the moment I officially have no trousers so cold it is !

I can't go to Uni looking a mess can I ?
Long tops/ dresses and leggings it is .

Wonderful !!!????

So i guess the first post should be an introduction to me and what's going on at the mo.
Wife to the strangest man I've ever met and mum to spider man. 5 3/4.

I'm 31 and have spent most of my life walking in the wrong direction.
I'm a singer and songwriter, always have been .

BUT  I've always had the feeling that other people's needs were more important than mine . This led me to work in care homes - mainly with older people with mental health issues.
.
This blog is intended to keep track of my progression and to keep hold of my sanity................. Hopefully

Firstly there's the degree , BA HONS Music Performance - I can't believe they let me in. It's been yrs since I've studied.
I made a few phone calls and somehow I'm there.

 I start TOMORROW !!!!!    EEEKKKKK

This is the biggest thing I've done with my life since my child was born .
To say this is a massive challenge is an understatement - I have no idea what's coming .

Maybe that's a good thing ??

Secondly is the fitness thing . I want to look better naked . Don't get me wrong , I don't hate my body but maybe there's a little to much  jiggle ?

On a good boob day i have quite a nice hourglass and feel like Beyonce ,bad day I feel like my ass is visible from space
 The idea is to get stronger and motivated for all the challenges ahead rather than to lose loads of weight .

There's a weight loss service in Hull that provides support during the process . I have a food and excersize diary

It's a six month commitment, focusing on me making smart choices everyday to work towards a bigger goal.

Its a skill set I'm going to need if I'm going to pass my degree .

Lastly I've been having therapy for depression  but this is coming to an end - I've had a few serious bouts during my life.
Since April I've had weekly sessions with an amazing woman and we feel I've said everything I need to .
Thou' it's a bit awkward when you realise you've put a lot of baggage down and you're still a few sandwiches short of a picnic .

All the talking seems to have worked as i now feel stronger more capable and more stable than I've ever been .

Handy if you intend to make major changes in life...... ahhh lightbulb

The thing is I have no idea how ambitious or ruthless this woman is !

Emillie Sande or Nikki Minaj ?

So now all i need to do now is everything I'm told to do when I'm told to do it

simple ???????