These words

No , littleman my keys are NOT in the fridge..................

So this is the first week of the holidays with my 6 yr old. He wants to be attached to me most of the time.

The incident in question was after a nice morning swimming, a peaceful lunch and a few in house games.
The little one decided it was time to play in the garden.

My naughty keys had gone and I was about to go into full on panic mode.

No one has our key and hubbie at work till late

Then the question - Have you checked the fridge Mummy ?

Believe me , this could have sent me either way

Its been that kind of week - I've not felt the best.

I've sorta gone from having a huge circle of mates with uni, then a smaller circle with meetings and adult conversation to  , well  ........have you checked the fridge ?

It took me sooo long to learn to do the student thing , then to learn to do the networking thing so now
I'm watching endless episodes of cartoons.

I'm sure they only made about 4 eps - cos it seems to be the same stories all the time. I am learning all the pups on Paw Patrol - Littleman seems impressed.

In all this I've tried , I am trying to keep myself moving forward music wise - I answered my first casting call , wrote some lyrics - I saw a picture of myself in that red dress with the behive hair - I wondered what 'SHE' would write about

Turns out , it's seducing men into hotel rooms - Who knew ????

For me to write , I have to feel restless - The words have to fight their way out.
I sorta see them in my head and then HAVE to write them down or lose them forever.

Missed words/verses haunt me 'cos in my head they were epic lyrics that would have changed the world if only i could remember them .................

My head gets filled with words and quotes so i'm usually watching people i meet to see if their lives are interesting enough to write about.

I do write about mine too - Loads
About the people I meet and how i feel about them - good and bad !

Recently I've been missing people - the people I really love are far away from me - friends wise .

We do keep in touch by email but for me it doesn't really replace giving your best mate a squeeze.
And because I've just come though puberty and this crazy woman is new to me , I've been a bit upset at pics.
Bizarre, I know - it's not enough that this character I've created is strong passionate and confident the other side of that is sometimes other, darker sensitivities.

Once in a while , it gets too much and I shut the doors and stay in to recover.
All i do is eat good food try to excersise and keep my fingers busy till it passes.

My house has never been so tidy .....................
My head is silly

Oh, and just in case you were wondering , They weren't in the fridge ..........................

Hair days !!

No time to relax ...............

So it's the first day of my littleman's holiday and he's already out side on the neighbours trampoline.
It took me 20 mins to realise I was still watching Wallykazam !!!

So this week has mostly been about finding stuff to do during the long holidays and a little bit to do with forging new relationships.

Lately i've been concerned about the holidays as its a lot of time to fill for me and the family
My son is in the process of being tested for Aspergers Syndrome.
So seven weeks of unstructured play/fun is almost too much for him to bear.
He asked for a timetable so he has some idea of what is going on.

I gotta admit , I understand the concern - I'd got used to the routine of taking him to school , having assignments to do going to lessons and taking the steps to become what i'd always dreamed of.

Whatever that is !!!!??????

To eeeerrrr NOTHING

This new me type person is full of ideas and passion so if i'm not busy with something the fear is that i slip back into where i was.
If you didn't know me you'd mistake it for ruthless ambition or think i was bossy and single minded.
But i'm messing the support of the routine and that is where the drive comes from.

I didn't come this far to only come this far.

So this week I've been getting the ball rolling on a few things. First I've been looking for a guitarist for ages so i might have found one.
So i sent him my stuff to see what he thought.

My songs are always very personal to me so being able to let them go to someone else felt like a huge deal.
I had a bit of a panic and freaked out at my friend but did it anways.

So with sending the lyrics I had to give this guitarist an idea of what I wanted.
It felt incredibly weird to explain what I hear in my head to someone else. I had to be direct and  as specific as i could so he knows where I'm coming from and where I'm going.

I'm not used to giving direction - it felt a very grown up thing to do. It makes everything feel very real.
It also felt very empowering and i felt capable , which is almost as strange as sending letting my lyrics go.

Its a massive step in the right direction for me.

The next news - We definitely have another Mannequins show in October so  I'm on the lookout for a  Halloween type outfit and track to match even on a sunny warm day like today !

I received lots of amazing feedback from my performance.
I was told i looked relaxed and strong.
I've never thought of myself as a performer in that way so it was good to hear it looked as good as it felt.

So me being me - it's given me 'permission' to be bigger and bolder.  It seems to work
I mean , EVERYONE loves Beyonce don't they  ???

Maybe i should get so big sparkly pants ????

So the next thing has been a catching up with a guy I haven't seen in a while. It was basically what have you been up to type thing.
With all the meetings different people i'm getting a clearer idea of what kind of artist I want to be and what i DONT .

Everyone I'm connected to ,artistically, adds their input. Some i take seriously so I think I need to keep the hell away from . LOL

Then the weekend ...................   MH being the main feature in the house. Kicking my arse all over the place.
 There needs to be some changes.

This time round I held on for as long as i could but in the end thought it best to mention it to a mate for their input......................
Usually the input consists of 'sort yourself out !'

Such a charmer ;-)    

LMAO
Love my mates

This is the one!

Red lips big hips

So , i guess i should do this again ?
At the moment I'm on holiday from Uni and waiting for the kids to break up too.

For the next week I'm officially a house wife - probably the worst in the world but hubs hasn't killed me yet ....................... YET .

So I've been away a while so i should catch you up really.
When i started HMCAEI - (catchy :-/) my focus was on the changes going on in my life i'd recently left therapy ,recently attempted a massive diet/lifestyle overhaul and starting a uni course I knew nothing about.
While still being functioning mum ,wife and human being - I mostly managed it most of the time i think !

so the first thing was the therapy. I went from having a weekly session to cold turkey. There has been times I'd thought about going back as I could feel myself struggling.
I made appointments but never actually went , never actually told anyone I was struggling again.
BUT  I made it though it.
I found with the depression gone that a lot of unhappy and unwanted memories came back.
Exposing the real reasons I'd been so doubtful and critical of myself all these years.

It wasn't me, it was them.

tHIS Was tHE ReVOLation

So the next thing was the diet thing. I managed to eat well enough to keep myself well over the uni year.
The urge to keep busy and to keep focus was mostly provided by spinach and water. Thou' 4 pm was (and forever will be ) chocolate time !

For the most this was ok but maybe a little unsustainable for me. I fancy pizza every now and then. I do feel fitter and healthier for eating more greens and less processed things.

I'd still choose takeaway if I've not prepared anything else.
So i'm not skinny   ----- I'm still talented and i'm still hard working and a great mum/wife ,snappy dresser  ? ;-)

So the Uni thing. I completed my first year and i PASSED ...

I knew nothing when I started , learnt everything from scratch and i did it.
It was exhausting and stressful day to day but the benefits of going outweigh it all

Even the nights I cried myself to sleep cos I had no idea what was going on !

So now I'm at the stage where I'm keen to work hard for what I want - I feel empowered and like something is building.

The last show i was involved with was amazing to be part of. I was give the freedom I needed to be the DIVA !
I was given a make over and had my very own photo shoot. I felt like looking at a different person.
There was a strong ,confident woman looking back at me i never knew was there.
I was given constructive feedback on performance technique  and encouraged to be fabulous !

So I did what they said and the result was Amazing ...............

It was a joy to work with them all and i'd do it all again in a heartbeat.

Big BIG thanks to Micheal and Anna. The Mannequins.

During the summer i'm going to try and develop my own lyrics and find a guitarist to help with my originals.

Sounds like a plan doesn't it ???????